April 19, 2011

{Is there anything called absolute trust?}

As Raka gets ready to leave her high school years and gets ready for her college life as an adult in New York City, I am trying to see the emerging adult in her more than the child. Sometimes that is not easy for me, but I am trying.

Last weekend Raka was planning to attend a concert with her friends. She forewarned me that she would be late. She told me the name of the artist and what it was about, but with my limited knowledge of music and dance, that information went straight over my head. Raka noticed it. So when she got to the concert she sent me a picture using her iPhone of the details of her location. I was relieved. Raka assured me that she was with friends and was safe. She also agreed that if she needed me to pick her up, she would not hesitate to call me.

I was restless that evening. My mind was finding it tough to be at ease with the fact that my little baby has grown up and is making decisions on her own. I wanted to go back to the days when I drove her and her friends to a concert and sat at a Starbucks until it was over.

Late that night I got a text from Raka that they had left the concert. After a short visit to a friend’s place, she and another friend of hers came home. I was overjoyed to see her and her friend. It was close to midnight but I was ready to cook for the two girls. That night when I went to sleep I kept thinking, “Is there anything Raka could have done to make me feel more at ease tonight?” I do not think so. 

Then why was I so restless?

I realized that I am going through a growth phase. I am the person not at ease with the world around me that is changing so fast. I am not yet at ease with my princess slowly approaching her 18 year mark and being in charge of her own life. But I realize that trust, especially with a child, can never be absolute. Children make errors, be it errors in judgment or just errors. As a parent I need to trust Raka, but I cannot give 100% of the control to her. There has to be a balance. And more important than anything else, I must simply enjoy the transition as I see her blossom. 

Go Raka!
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